I'll readily admit that I'm not good at this whole stay at home parent job. I have always had the ultimate respect for those parents (because let's face it, it's men and women nowadays) who could stay at home. I know there is more to it than sitting on the couch, watching TV and snacking all day.
It's not the housecleaning, the working on school things with Alexis, it's not even being home all day.
It's the lack of adult face-to-face socialization. It's the fact that there are times I'm finding busy work just to keep my hands busy. It's the constant need to be doing more.
When I worked full time I also kept my house. I worked on school things with Alexis. I have so much more time to do this all now that I keep upping my standards of what is acceptable.
Before as long as dishes were done before dinner, I was content. Now I want dishes done after every meal. And when dishes are done not only should all the counters and table be wiped down, but then I need to sweep.
Before as long as I vacuumed twice a week, I was happy. Now I want the living room vacuumed every day and the hall and bedrooms done every other day.
Before as long as the laundry was done on Sunday, I was satisfied. Now I don't want a full basket of laundry waiting on me.
Before if my flat surfaces were mostly clear during the week, I could look over the rest. Now I am constantly walking in circles as I find things on counters that need to be picked up, put away, thrown away.
And even this isn't keeping me busy all day.
It's summer vacation and Alexis still reads a book everyday, writes a paragraph, and does 15 minutes of math. I am planning day trips to places like Reiman gardens to learn about the necessities of plants, the farmer's market to learn about different types of fruits and vegetables.
I have high goals set for myself. The thing is if I set my mind to it, I can accomplish them. And if I set my goals lower, than I'll accept lower. I want to show my husband that I'm not just laying around doing nothing. And what constantly runs through my head is:
"Idle hands are the Devil's playground"
I don't know if God's plan is for me to become a stay at home parent, to be home for this summer with my daughter, or to get me into a healthier work environment than I was. I'm trusting God to lead me where He wants me to be. I pray every day that He will lead us in the right direction and if I am to be a stay at home parent, to lead me to a way to bring in the necessary income for our family to survive and thrive. I pray that if He wants me to rejoin the workforce that He will help lead me to the type of job where I can do what He wants me to do. I have faith that the Lord will lead me where I am suppose to be and that He will bring peace and acceptance to my husband and I for whatever He believes I should be doing.
In God's wisdom, as I was rereading this post I realized that there is a song that fits this moment perfectly for me. Check it out, it's called He Said by Group 1 Crew.
Please keep me in your prayers. And if you have any suggestions for things to teach my soon-to-be first grader over the summer or projects that you know you forget about unless reminded, please comment.