A year ago today, June 25th, I married the man of my dreams, my best friend, and so much more.
It hasn't been an easy year. We had our up and downs, just like any other married couple. But we have pulled through. Our marriage is even better now than a year ago because we have learned more about one another.
I didn't move in with my husband until a month before the wedding. We didn't learn one another's mannerisms, quirks or daily living before we were married. Looking back, part of me wishes we could have waited until after the wedding. On the other hand trying to move and get married at the same time...wow that would have been crazy.
In the last year I've learned that my husband is not fit to be around pre-coffee in the mornings. I've learned that he needs his 8 hours of sleep. I've learned that he doesn't like shows that are faked but he prefers either reality shows like American Pickers or Hell's Kitchen or adult cartoons like American Dad or Family Guy. I've learned that he likes to read. I've learned that, although he is very laid back and generally is open to anything, if he says no he stands firm in that decision. I've learned that his family dynamic is absolutely the opposite from mine. I've learned that he is unaware of his nonverbal cues the majority of the time, and if I call him on them he 1) usually doesn't know what I am talking about and 2) very rarely do they match up to what he says. He also doesn't like when I try to 'read' him, which means he doesn't want me to pay attention to those nonverbal cues.
None of these are bad things (ok my husband pre-coffee is bad but that's not the point). They are just pieces of him that I've had to learn. I find that I love him more all the time.
A perfect example is we have found a balance in the house when it comes to housework and disciplining Alexis. I take care of the majority of the housework. The cleaning, the cooking, the laundry. Jaime does the dishes. However Alexis listens far better to Jaime than she has ever listened to me. And so he tends to take on the authority role in our family. This has required me to adjust some of my attitudes, as I've discussed before. However yesterday, when the house was clean, laundry put away, and I was volunteering, he decided to clean my car for me. Not just getting the random trash out of it, but vacuuming it out and wiping it all down. He did this because he could.
I am learning to see things that he does to SHOW me that he loves me. Yes I like to hear the words, yes I'm a romantic and my idea of showing me is with flowers, candles, dinner, but that isn't how he functions.
He wakes me every morning before he leaves for work with a kiss and I love you. He kisses me good night every night and tells me he loves me. I may say it first, but he always says it back when I do.
He shows that he loves me by cleaning out my car (he knows I would rather clean the house top to bottom than clean my little car.)
He shows that he loves me by going to the store to buy my soda in the morning when I'm not functioning yet.
He shows me that he loves me by letting me sleep when I'm exhausted.
He shows me that he loves me by agreeing to Italian food when he's more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy.
He shows me that he loves me by setting up my sewing area when I mentioned that I wished I had somewhere that was permanent.
He shows me that he loves me by coming to Christmas Eve service because I find it very important that we are together that day. (And has been going with me every Sunday ever since)
He shows me that he loves me by bringing me my dinner at work when I forgot it at home.
All these little things that could easily be overlooked. Overlooked while wishing for a candlelit dinner, or a sappy card, or a bouquet of my favorite flowers. But when I listen to him, and pay attention, I realize that I don't need those things. My husband loves me very much, and he shows me and tells me in his way.
It's been a year, it feels like we've been together a lifetime. In a way we have, our paths crossing but neither of us realizing what was to come. But that's a story for another day.