Yesterday I had a turning point.
I was putting away a basket of laundry my husband had brought upstairs the night before while I was at work. As I was putting it away I realized all that was in this basket was my clothes. He had put his away, given Alexis' hers and left mine.
At first I was frustrated. Really, I put his clothes away all the time, never ask him to put them away himself, just do it and do them all. Is it really so hard to take 5 extra minutes and put my clothes away too?
Then I stopped and re-evaluated. Even when we are working all of the time and he is trying to help me, the laundry is something that is mine. Granted it's mine because he takes the clothes out of the dryer and things may still be damp and he just puts them away, folded or hung up, but he tries. So he went out of his way to help me do something.
He didn't have to put away his clothes. He didn't have to give Alexis her clothes and have her put them away. He could have left all of it for me to do. Then, instead of 5 minutes, it would have taken closer to 15. And so I should be grateful for his help, instead of criticizing what he didn't do, or feeling like he didn't do enough.
I'm working very hard at adjusting my perspective. As I was growing up my dad wanted things done completely immediately. This perspective rubbed off on me. However I am trying to adjust this to being appreciative for the help that I receive. It isn't his responsibility to keep the house or help with laundry. It is mine. So anything he does is that much less that I have to do.
I know my husband is trying to adjust to our new dynamic. I have always been home in the evening. I have always been the one to make supper. Now I have nights that I'm working from 4 to 11 and he has to do bedtime and dinner on his own. Wednesday night, while Alexis was at All-Stars, he even brought me supper because what I took wasn't enough to fill me. He is considerate of my needs, especially when I am clear about what those needs are.
As a Christian wife it is important to show that I respect my husband. I can't tear him down because I feel he hasn't done enough. I have to build him up for what he does. In Ephesians 5:33 the Bible says "To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband." (HCSB) God says to respect our husbands and so we must, not based on what he does or doesn't do, not based on if we feel he has or hasn't earned it. It's not my job to judge my husband, it's my responsibility to follow God's commands. And so I need to show this respect by thanking him for what he did do, not criticizing him for what he didn't do.
Have you had a problem with appreciating what is done for you, even if it wasn't ALL done for you? Won't you share with me?